What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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