I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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