Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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