There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?