I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We talked him into tasing himself.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.