I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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