I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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