I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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