Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have fence marks all over my body
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.