Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho