I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.