I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage