The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
