I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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