2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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