You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize