I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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