Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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