you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
