You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
