she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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