Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
