I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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