So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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