Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
