She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
