I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
