There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
