what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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