so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize