I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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