we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
