I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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