I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wear drunk well.