If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes