she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
