she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
