i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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