I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right