I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours