Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  literally had 100 drinks last night.

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  (323): literally had 100 drinks last night. http://tfl.nu/jkb6
  Replies (12) Good night (1422) Bad night (537)
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  (760): View more from California

  i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them

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  (760): i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them http://tfl.nu/jlgr
  Replies (7) Good night (651) Bad night (1775)
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  (916): View more from California

  Michael Bay diarrhea

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  (916): Michael Bay diarrhea http://tfl.nu/1hpz
  Replies (25) Good night (692) Bad night (3937)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

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  (989): News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus. (1-989): Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right. http://tfl.nu/jho0
  Replies (22) Good night (4650) Bad night (1014)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.

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  (630): Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself. http://tfl.nu/vif9
  Replies (55) Good night (11164) Bad night (1580)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u

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  (847): we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u http://tfl.nu/tlcn
  Replies (5) Good night (3227) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.

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  (860): I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think. http://tfl.nu/zuxj
  Replies (8) Good night (3105) Bad night (814)
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  (909): View more from California

  Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?

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  (909): Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked? http://tfl.nu/pmav
  Replies (7) Good night (2172) Bad night (1126)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.

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  (503): Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out. http://tfl.nu/zwrd
  Replies (9) Good night (3738) Bad night (852)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children

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  (312): please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children http://tfl.nu/5h1t
  Replies (8) Good night (1898) Bad night (810)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am

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  (970): We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am http://tfl.nu/badm
  Replies (4) Good night (1721) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra

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  (650): i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra http://tfl.nu/msm7
  Replies (12) Good night (838) Bad night (582)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.

  (206): View more from Washington

  That would've been embarrassing.

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  (419): Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night. (206): That would've been embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/nb0e
  Replies (7) Good night (1206) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.

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  (716): I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me. http://tfl.nu/jxfi
  Replies (5) Good night (719) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.

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  (845): I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops. http://tfl.nu/fks7
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (269)

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