I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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