you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
