...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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