I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
