i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
