the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Randomize
