They should really pass out barf bags in church
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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