Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
