i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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