Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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