I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
