I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
