you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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