This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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