Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
