You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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